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Quit Breaking My Heart

Quit Breaking My Heart

Like I’ve shared before, God likes to put things on my heart in a super obvious way.  He just has a way of telling me what I should do and I have a way of listening and (usually) obeying.

About 8 years ago He laid it heavy on my heart that my husband and I needed to start going to Eucharistic Adoration.

At the time, we barely even knew what it was and the only Adoration chapel was a 20-minute drive from our house.  But we looked into it, found out what time slots needed to be filled, and the rest is history.  My husband didn’t change and very rarely missed, his Wednesday 11PM adoration hour for 8 years!  I admit I switched days and took a few months off when a new baby arrived or when life got particularly challenging (read: busy season at work).

But despite the crazy times and a slew of kids later, we deeply believe in the power of Adoration and the peace it has brought to our lives.

The drive and late night hour started wearing on my husband a little.  Someone wouldn’t show up and he would end up being there until one in the morning.  We started praying about our home parish (5 minute walk from our house) to open an Adoration chapel.  We started talking to our priests about it.  A lot of people started getting really excited about the possibility and here we are, about a year later, with a beautiful new adoration chapel mere steps from our home.

God is good, and the power of prayer is undeniable!

A friend (who is a living saint, truly) and I took on the enormous role of coordinating the chapel and getting the time slots filled.  It’s taking a lot longer than we anticipated and we’re trying not to get discouraged by the lack of interest in taking a weekly hour in the chapel.  I was complaining about this the other day and feeling totally disappointed in everyone for not “showing up”.  I wondered aloud why God puts things on my heart, gives me a desire and a love so strong to accomplish something for His glory only to be left sad and defeated.  And then the answer came.

“Maybe He wants you to understand how He feels when you don’t show up for Him.”

Ouch.  Have I been breaking His heart the way others had been breaking mine?  I had to really look inside myself and shine a light on the places where I’m not showing up.  When I’d rather watch TV at night before bed then spend time in prayer.  When I don’t pray with my kids before bed because I just want them to get out of my hair and leave me alone.  When I find myself jealous of someone else instead of grateful for the blessings I have been given.

Instead of complaining about what other people aren’t doing, I need to take responsibility for my own shortcomings.

How could I possibly refuse a God who has put such beautiful things on my heart and has trusted me to help Him accomplish such glory!  May He continue to share vision with me, and may I remain obedient to His will.

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Kristen Hamill

Kristen Hamill teaches Natural Family Planning in Colorado with her husband, John. In addition to raising their four young children and working part time in a tearoom, Kristen teaches Catechesis of the Good Shepherd and is an avid runner, skier and healthy living enthusiast.

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