Forgiveness and Filling the Cracks

Tremors.  It started out as just little tiny rumblings in my soul.  Was something happening?  What was that feeling?  Was everything okay in our marriage?

Then it became tiny, almost imperceptible cracks.

It took almost ten years but eventually the cracks turned into huge ravines that caused me to jump out of a moving car when I was 8 months pregnant, almost losing my baby and my marriage in the process.  Moral of the story: don’t ignore the tremors.

We’d let someone into our marriage.  Slowly, over the years, we lost the control we had over our lives and handed it over to someone we thought knew better, someone we trusted. Someone who told us they knew better.  Someone who eventually betrayed us and broke our hearts and almost caused us to lose our very lives.

We decided to rebuild.  We wanted to cut these people out of our lives forever and just live as if they didn’t exist.

But how can you do that when they’re family?

Saint Jose Maria Escriva was the one who got the ball rolling.  I came across his words and knew what I had to do.  “Forgiveness. To forgive with one’s whole heart and with no trace of a grudge will always be a wonderfully fruitful disposition to have! —That was Christ’s attitude on being nailed to the Cross: ‘Father, forgive them, they know not what they are doing.’ From this came your salvation and mine.”

 Nearly ten years later and the thought of that harrowing time brings a dull ache in my heart but no longer tears to my eyes.  And I’m happy to report that forgiveness is real and living with no trace of a grudge in my heart has brought me freedom and peace beyond all understanding.

“The first to apologize is the bravest.  The first to forgive is the strongest.  And the first to forget is the happiest.”