I started going to adoration not because I understood it, or because I wanted to go, but because I had an intense pull to it. It started when we moved into a new house and began attending a new church, which had a perpetual adoration chapel. At the time I was attending daily mass with my two small toddlers and would walk by the chapel on my way in and out of mass, but I never really understood what was going on in there.
I am a cradle Catholic who attended 12 years of Catholic schooling and as a thirty something mother of two I still had no idea what Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament was. But the good news on that front is that God is patient. And persistent.
After a few weeks of walking by the chapel and feeling this “pull” I just knew I had to find out more.
So I did what anyone would do—I googled it. This answered a few of my questions but eventually I had to call the front desk and get more details. They said to check the bulletin for the needed hours and sign up online. The hours were 9PM Mondays (me) and 11PM Wednesdays (my husband). We ended up keeping those (almost) same hours for almost 8 years.
Sometimes I didn’t want to go. Sometimes I couldn’t wait to go. But every time I was always glad that I went. At the beginning I just appreciated the quiet and the solitude. But eventually I had to grapple with the hard stuff. Sometimes doubt would creep into my mind.
Is this real? Are you there Jesus?
I hated when it would happen and I always felt shame. I would beg Jesus to give me a deeper faith. At some point I begged Him to reveal himself to me. I literally begged for a Eucharistic miracle. I begged Him to give me some sign that He was truly present in the Blessed Sacrament. I prayed over and over for Him to reveal Himself to me.
And eventually He did.
The first time it was small. I was praying a rosary. But I had forgotten my rosary. So I was using the little stones around the consecrated host in the monstrance to keep track of my Hail Marys. And at the beginning of this rosary I asked Him for a sign and that He reveal Himself to me to give me a deeper faith. When I got to the first decade, the first little red ruby around the monstrance became brighter. It lit up. It was a different color red than the other rubies. It was brighter. At first, I attributed this to lighting, etc.
Then I came to the second decade. The second ruby lit up in the same way the first did. I couldn’t believe it; I didn’t believe it. I said to myself this is crazy, this is not happening and then…. It just kept happening. Until all five of the rubies surrounding the Blessed Sacrament were lit up at the end of my rosary. I could feel His gaze on me. It was overwhelming.
I wept and wept in thanksgiving for this beautiful sign.
I never doubted His presence in the Blessed Sacrament again. To this day the moment I walk in an Adoration Chapel I say “Thank you Jesus for revealing yourself to me”.
Jesus said ask and you shall receive, knock and the door shall be opened to you. He gave us the parable of the insistent friend for a reason. If your faith is wavering, beg him for a sign. I truly believe you will receive it.