I don’t want to brag, but there’s something I am really good at. I’ve had lots of practice and I do it every day.
I fail. Full scale. And it’s gonna be ok.
I fail at keeping a clean house. And getting all the school work done with all the kids every day. And remembering …things I should absolutely remember. At being a good friend and staying in touch. Sometimes I fail at getting out of bed on time, or at all. Or getting out of my pajamas until the last minute, or until Wednesday. I’m awesome at procrastinating, which can lead to failings, and is a failing of sorts itself. At times, I fail at patience. And kindness. And being on time. And hitting the right key when I’m singing, especially when my volume is spot on. I almost always fail at some point during the Gloria, and the Creed.
I’ve failed at keeping at least one kid on the path to Heaven so far. That one stings the most of all the fails. It’s the hardest one to give over to God, and likely the most important.
I’m learning to forgive myself my faults and trying not to dwell in them.
I’ve lived there before, and it is a noisy, lonely house. I know God wants me to dwell in Him, not in my downfalls. My shortcomings are part of who I am, perhaps because they need to be, to lead me closer to Him, to have me count on Him to help me through it.
He wants my eyes on Him to help me reach Heaven. The rest is just noise.
After all, the house does get cleaned, the school does get done. My friends (hopefully?) do know I love them dearly and pray for them often. What I can control, I work on, no matter how slowly. What I can’t control, I pray about and try to find where my stronghold lies.
Now, I’m not insinuating that all failings end with after-school special morals and quirky fun finishes.
And definitely in each moment, failing stings and leave marks. But I’m working on being gentle with myself, going to God with it, picking which battle to work on in that moment, and always moving forward with my eyes on Him. After all, I read, Peter didn’t start to sink until he took his eyes off Jesus.