Free to Remain Silent

I’m an interrupter.

It’s a problem I have as a result of being born in a state where people talk faster than the states I’ve lived in since I learned to talk. I also think fast. Sometimes I think so fast that I believe I know what the person talking is about to say.

I interject their thoughts with my predetermined line for them.

For the most part, I’m NOT a mind reader. I don’t know what their lines were going to be. So I’m not only rude; I’m wrong.

I’m also wrong because it’s a vice. It’s prideful to suppose I really know what someone is about to say, or worse, to think what I have to say should come out before they have the chance to finish their thought.

It’s easy to own this wrongdoing in my head. To see it’s not fair what I’m doing to a conversation. It’s much harder to stop.

Over and over I’m working on stopping my mind from leaping forward, from speculating, from projecting where I think the conversation should be going and trying to lead it there.

Have I conquered this vice? Nope! Will I conquer this vice? Hopefully!

I have checked it more and more in my almost 9 years of marriage. My relationship with my husband is so important to me that I have ALMOST learned to curb my tongue. I listen to what my spouse is actually saying rather than what I think he’s about to say. I know my listening part is MORE important than my talking part.

You’ve probably heard that women talk more than men. We like to use more words in a day then men do. I can believe that. For the most part, my husband can talk very little and be content. I struggle to be quiet and content for long without conversation. I desire to input on subjects. I want to express myself and sometimes just to chatter about stuff.

And I realize that my feminine attribute carries over to my conversations with Jesus. Especially when sitting in Adoration in front of Jesus in the monstrance.

“Be still and know that I am God.” Ps 46

The definition of ‘still’ is not moving or making a sound. Also: deep silence and calm.

Another verse from Hebrews 14:2 says “keep your eyes fixed on Jesus”.

I realize my vice taints my human interactions as well my prayer life with my God. But now that I know, I can work on myself. With Jesus’ help and understanding, I am learning to listen. To be quiet. To be still. To just gaze and not try to finish the rest of the story