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Dude, Where’s My Baby?

Being a Catholic woman newly married (two years in July), I was always under the impression that our duty (and delight) was to start popping out those babies as soon as we say “I do.” My husband and I have been married for 19 months and I feel like a failure. No babies have come, not even a single positive pregnancy test.

I see all my friends having babies and the jealousy is so real, it just envelops me, and I can’t breath.

I am a youth minister at our parish and one day I was at work painting the youth house. The school that is attached to the church also has a daycare. I remember that day I was standing on a chair watching all those little tots with their little curls and chubby cheeks and I just broke down. My husband arrived at the youth house a little while later and he immediately could tell I was upset. I just cried and cried. I cannot even count the times I have cried for not being able to get pregnant so far.

I feel like a failure because the one thing I should be able to do is to have these little babies that we bring up to be little Jesus-lovers.

There have been a few times that my friends have become pregnant or I saw an acquaintance on Facebook blast their pregnancy to the world that I just couldn’t handle the jealousy.

My heart was breaking over and over.  I needed to plea my case.

My husband and I made a trip to Mexico City last summer and were fortunate enough to go see the tilma of Juan Diego and stand where the Blessed Mother appeared.  I begged for a baby.  I pled with every fiber of my being that our perfect Mother would intercede for me for this one thing.

It never happened and I was so angry.

For a while, I would sit in church and refuse to pray for a baby anymore because if Our Lady couldn’t get that for me, it obviously isn’t supposed to happen.  My husband and I have had so many conversations about babies and pregnancy.  Through our prayers and countless talks, we have decided that if we are not able to have a baby, we will travel and see the world and do mission work.

Ever since the beginning of our marriage, my husband always said “Don’t be upset if God has another plan for us that does not include kids.”  I hated it when he said that.  But, maybe the Holy Spirit was preparing my heart through the very person God placed in my life to bring me closer to Him.

Here we are, still no baby in sight but I have finally found a peace in myself.  With not having any kids, I can give so much time to my youth group, hopefully be an amazing wife to my husband, go see the world (Paris, here I come!!), bring Jesus to the world as his missionary, and so much more! My heart longs for a baby still sometimes, but the future is finally looking brighter.

We pray for what we want but sometimes God just has something else in mind.

“Spouses to whom God has not granted children can nevertheless have a conjugal life full of meaning, in both human and Christian terms. Their marriage can radiate a fruitfulness of charity, of hospitality, and of sacrifice.” Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1654

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Alexis Burchfield

Alexis is a wife, youth minister, and lover of Popeyes chicken with Chick-Fil-A sauce.

8 thoughts on “Dude, Where’s My Baby?”

  1. Very well written. We tried for 3 years. I gave up and decided to concentrate on competing in bodybuilding. Reid came along and then it seemed like every time I smelled Polo cologne I got pregnant. (I had a few miscarriages). My point is, everything happens in God’s time. We aren’t supposed to understand-just love Him and live the life He has graced us with in abundance. I will continue praying for y’all! Know that you are loved at Our Lady of Fatima!

  2. Sweet article and has the depth of so many face on a daily basis. Not just the depth of not having a baby but the prayers we pray for and are never answered. For instance my prayer I pray for loneliness and always wanting to be married. But God has another plan he has a plan that I didn’t see, a plan to help thousands of children become more independent with equine-therapy. He needs me to be their voice and to stand up for them! The many countless hours I worked on Pro-Life, saving babies and generations of grandparents,aunts & uncles. That when Mothers Day came around every year I got to celebrate just as much as any mother who carried life in their womb. Because the babies I saved from abortion got to celebrate life that day with their mother.
    I have been accused of never caring about the baby after the womb and I have to prove them wrong, because I care about these precious lives. These babies that the harden liberals want destroyed because they have a birth defect are more perfect than anyone I have ever met. And I love see the change in these children grasping skills everyone of us take for granted, learning how to walk, talk or eat solid food for the time after 8-10 years of age because of this cutting edge therapy!

    Keep up the great work and keep blogging!

  3. Wonderful blog. I love your attitude. Hugs Alexis. I feel your pain. I struggled and finally had a baby through a Catholic approved in vitro procedure. I am so glad that you have a supportive husband.

  4. I am sad and glad for you all at one time. I have been in very similar shoes myself. You know me… I have never been pregnant but, yet, God blessed me with a wonderful man who had 3 children and I got to help raise them. They have a mother and they have me. Life goes on. Enjoy what God gives you. Love you guys!

  5. My doctors told me it would never happen but at 39 I had my first and at 42 my second. Then we adopted a beautiful 4 year girl. Our timing isn’t God’s. So many children out there are in need of a loving family. Don’t rule out adoption.

  6. The most life giving couple I have ever known were childless…the lives they have touched have been richly blessed. Your willingness to follow his plan will touch so many. Thank you!

  7. Hi Alexis,

    I was told I would never have children. It took a while and you know the story… four girls later. Just pray to the Blessed Mother and she will take your fear away. Babies happened naturally or babies get adopted or babies come in the form of our extended families. Know you are blessed today just to have that love within you. Mz Davis

  8. I named my daughter after a friend who could not have children. I told her, I can’t give you a baby but I can name her after you. The monthly tears were heartbreaking. She eventually adopted two children. I was a Protestant at the time and the experience totally changed my view of fertility. Make God give you peace to wait for his will. And that is heroic.


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