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Beautiful Suffering

I was not super excited when I found out about my third pregnancy, mostly because it just wasn’t an ideal time, not to mention, I was afraid of what others would say.  After a couple of weeks, however, we had gotten used to the idea, and I had everything planned out. I already knew how we would re-arrange the house, and I had even ordered a car seat online and had it ready and waiting.

I was ready and excited for this new little coming into our lives.

Then, I went for my 8-week checkup.  My OB did the ultrasound, the baby was measuring small, so we scheduled a week out for another just to make sure everything was okay.   That evening, what started out as typical spotting turned into bleeding, and then, the next day, we lost the baby.  My tiny little jumping bean; I had just heard his sweet heartbeat and saw him moving just the day before.

My heart was broken.

That evening, when I took a shower, I finally allowed myself to cry. I spoke to the Blessed Mother, and asked her to present our sweet babe to her Son in Heaven.  I envisioned her carrying him in her arms, walking with a serene, kind countenance to meet Jesus. I saw Christ take him in His arms and hold him with such love.  Both of them looked at me and smiled.  I knew he’d be taken care of and I knew I’d know him, again, when I saw him at the end of my life.

Lent reminds me of that moment.

This season is a time of denial, of sacrifice. It is a way for us to take up our crosses and bring our tiny offerings to God so that he can take them and make them beautiful.  We come out on the other side of Lent with the Resurrection of Christ, a reminder that our sufferings and our pain in this life will be made beautiful.  It is a time to remember that there is hope even in the most difficult of circumstances, in the difficult moments of our lives, He is there with us, embracing us and reaching out to us in our pain, reminding us of our true home with Him.

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Amori Nauman

Amori is a cradle Catholic, wife, and mother of three living in the Bible Belt. She enjoys reading, cleverly written television, and laughing at puns.

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